You have no idea how much I needed to read something like this. Thank you for opening the conversation on one of the most misunderstood emotions we possess
This was such a thoughtful recontextualization of such a complex emotion. You helped me see shame in a whole new light. Where I would’ve previously run from shame, you’ve inspired me to run towards it to uncover what information it’s telling me about myself and the people around me.
I love how you articulate this topic. Something we tend to avoid talking about because it’s shameful. Pun intended.
I would like to add a constant voice as I am reading this.
“Shame is rooted in patriarchy.”
Men and women experience it, especially women. For example our romantic history can become critical and put to shame if you reached a certain amount of number. Then the name-calling starts to rise.
In a situation where you speak up and the room then turned silence, just a bit, for you to feel the shame of “I shouldn’t have said that.” Because most of us were taught that speaking, up especially to people with higher authority, can be detrimental.
My point is there is a metric system, we just don’t know what, until we somehow exceed it.
May we all free ourselves from this rigid system. Don’t fall into trap.
I loved this article! It's such a breath of fresh air to see someone writing about shame in this way. I looked up the origins of the word and wrote about it, if you're curious :) Excited to read more of your work! Thank you!
This may be a random tangent, but I've just finished Jennette McCurdy's "I'm Glad My Mom Died," which explores the difference between guilt and shame. I wonder if the "productive" shame you describe, which shows up when we don't act in alignment with the selves we aspire to be, is actually guilt, which can redirect without defining us. I do wonder if shame is inherently an unproductive emotion because of how it characterises based on a single action. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece!
One of the most insightful essays I’ve read! Last year I was struggling with unhealthy shame, but I grew so much from the process of sitting with discomfort and asking questions. Thank you for writing this! <3
This is a wonderful reframing. I always look at it as the darkest and heaviest emotion, but I guess you’re right that it would create an amazing upside if used correctly.
This article really reminds me of the fact that, I think especially as women, we are encouraged to "go with grace" - strange expectation to handle things perfectly, to let things go accordingly, and to be a picture of the sociological perspectives around us. Let's bring back putting ourselves out there and having burning cheeks because we fumbled. It's honestly even fun and funny.
This was a great piece. I do lots of IFS therapy and a core philosophy they have is that no emotion is good or bad. They all just have jobs they're doing and in the case of shame, it's often to protect. It's to protect us from being societally alienated most of the time! Though shame in my culture growing up has been weaponized so much against me that I am still learning to view it neutrally.
You have no idea how much I needed to read something like this. Thank you for opening the conversation on one of the most misunderstood emotions we possess
Never have i being aweare of the potencial that shame can have over one self, who can i be or become if i understand the meaning of it, it's origin.
This was such a thoughtful recontextualization of such a complex emotion. You helped me see shame in a whole new light. Where I would’ve previously run from shame, you’ve inspired me to run towards it to uncover what information it’s telling me about myself and the people around me.
What a wonderful gift it is to read someone's work online, get inspired, and continue with my day! Wonderful work, as always, thank you Meredith 🤍
I love how you articulate this topic. Something we tend to avoid talking about because it’s shameful. Pun intended.
I would like to add a constant voice as I am reading this.
“Shame is rooted in patriarchy.”
Men and women experience it, especially women. For example our romantic history can become critical and put to shame if you reached a certain amount of number. Then the name-calling starts to rise.
In a situation where you speak up and the room then turned silence, just a bit, for you to feel the shame of “I shouldn’t have said that.” Because most of us were taught that speaking, up especially to people with higher authority, can be detrimental.
My point is there is a metric system, we just don’t know what, until we somehow exceed it.
May we all free ourselves from this rigid system. Don’t fall into trap.
I loved this article! It's such a breath of fresh air to see someone writing about shame in this way. I looked up the origins of the word and wrote about it, if you're curious :) Excited to read more of your work! Thank you!
thank you so much
this is such an important read 💌
This may be a random tangent, but I've just finished Jennette McCurdy's "I'm Glad My Mom Died," which explores the difference between guilt and shame. I wonder if the "productive" shame you describe, which shows up when we don't act in alignment with the selves we aspire to be, is actually guilt, which can redirect without defining us. I do wonder if shame is inherently an unproductive emotion because of how it characterises based on a single action. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece!
One of the most insightful essays I’ve read! Last year I was struggling with unhealthy shame, but I grew so much from the process of sitting with discomfort and asking questions. Thank you for writing this! <3
This is a wonderful reframing. I always look at it as the darkest and heaviest emotion, but I guess you’re right that it would create an amazing upside if used correctly.
I didn’t know shame could be perceived in this way until I read this masterpiece.
This article really reminds me of the fact that, I think especially as women, we are encouraged to "go with grace" - strange expectation to handle things perfectly, to let things go accordingly, and to be a picture of the sociological perspectives around us. Let's bring back putting ourselves out there and having burning cheeks because we fumbled. It's honestly even fun and funny.
This is so thoughtful. Loved it. Now, next time I feel shame I will sit with it a bit.
Love this train of thought!
This was a great piece. I do lots of IFS therapy and a core philosophy they have is that no emotion is good or bad. They all just have jobs they're doing and in the case of shame, it's often to protect. It's to protect us from being societally alienated most of the time! Though shame in my culture growing up has been weaponized so much against me that I am still learning to view it neutrally.